Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. These are the stages of grief. Disbelief, alcohol, depression, bargaining, acceptance. These are the stages of a racehorse trainer going through the first years of business. Three months ago, I was absolutely sure I was going to have a great summer season and that business was taking off. By the beginning of September, I was considering whether I need to hang up my saddle for good. My string has dwindled to almost nothing and I am not well-armed for a fall/winter season. Two of my two-year-olds will not run this year – El Camino Real is just not ready, and Well Shuffled injured his suspensory ligament. Rendition, bought at the breeze-ups, still has a chance to see a racecourse this year, but she is growing like a mushroom and we have to take it slowly. Blessing Belle is still healing from her accident this summer; Skid Solo moved down south, where he hasn’t done much and may soon be back; Rapsodie turned out to be a bleeder, and no one could have imagined what turned out to be wrong with Hard Way.

So. That leaves us with George, Brazil, Turfani, Piccolo Blue, Timelord and Rendition. George has been disappointing, but like Turfani has ulcer issues and is now being treated, so I think we can still hope. Turfani wrenched her back while winning in Deauville, but is on the mend and should run in Craon at the end of the month. Piccolo Blue has some back ankle issues that we’re treating, but also should run by early October. Brazil is working gangbusters and desperately needs a race, but can’t get in because she has no performance so far. And Timelord, thankfully, is doing very well.

Frustrating? You can’t imagine. But I have found that I have good friends in times of crisis, and even better owners. Jean-Paul Gallorini, who has been my friend and mentor for many years (and has a herd of 20 golden horse statues awarded for his years as top trainer in France) has pointed out many times that what I’ve been able to do with the horses I have has been miraculous. He should know about miracles – he is known for them himself. He also knows about tenacity. He has succeeded because of both. It’s good to have somebody like that who believes in you. And I have a core group of owners who have become friends. They have remained faithful and patient, and it is because of them that I will pull this together and make it work.

I am optimistic – I have to be. I lost that for a week or so, but I have clawed back and am determined to go forward. We still have horses that can and will win – however miraculous that might turn out to be. The objective is, of course, to upgrade, and I am pushing hard to do that. It’s the season for yearling sales and the October horses-in-training sale at Newmarket is around the corner. I’m launching a full-court press to find investors.

On an upbeat note, we will have a special guest in the yard starting on Monday. Shamalgan, who is trained in the Czech Republic for a Russian owner, will be moving in after he runs the Prix Niel on Sunday and staying until he runs either in the Arc or the Group 2 Prix Dollar the day before the Arc. It will probably be a few years before I have a horse this good myself, so at least we can enjoy having one around for a couple of weeks. Maybe my horses can absorb some ability by osmosis…

Hard Way’s CAT scan has the vets here so fascinated that they sent it on to various other vet schools around the world, including the University of California-Davis. Everybody’s first reaction is that the case is very… interesting. Not exactly what you want to hear from your vets. I’ve had several conversations with my vet in Chantilly about it, and while my French is fine and I think I’m understanding a lot of what is going on, I really wanted to hear it in English. Trying to track down exactly who in California had looked at this was like finding a needle in a haystack, but Jane Smiley was able to help. Thanks to Jane, I was able to talk with the radiologist who consulted on the case.

So: Hard Way does indeed have pretty severe osteocondritis in the first vertabra, and he’s had this for a long time. But he also has a severe fracture in part of that vertabra that is relatively new. What is “interesting” about it is that the fracture is in a very strange place – in order to cause it, he would either have had to have fallen head-over-heels, run straight into a tree, or reared up and turned over. He has done none of these things. Best guess is that he smacked his head rolling in his box. He is a very enthusiastic roller; since the bone was already compromised by the osteocondritis, he must have smacked his head against the wall. The vets don’t care how it happened, but I am, of course, more than curious.

In any case, the prognosis is not all that bad. Dr. Pichalski at UC-Davis says he needs time, which he will get. I will send him to Normandy for four months and we’ll take another CAT scan in January. Best case: The bone has stabilized and formed a bony lesion that will stand up to racing. Worst case: the area has not stabilized and Hard Way will have to be officially retired. But his life does not seem to be in danger; he raced with the facture and came back to buck and play in the walker.

We could, of course, just call it a day and officially retire him now. He’s five, he’s raced, he’s won and there are a lot of other horses waiting for their chance. On the other hand, Hard Way is a bit special around the yard, and it may be completely irrational, but I think we haven’t see the best of him yet. In France, five is not old. He has raced only 18 times in his life; he has one win seven places. With the exception of this problem – and it is a big exception – he has never had anything wrong with him. Early next week I’ll take him up to Normandy where will have his holiday, and then we’ll take another scan in January. I’m hoping by next April, Hard Way will be back at Longchamp.

Anybody who knows me knows I have very strong opinions about the use of Lasix and other medication in America. I have repeatedly criticized the race-day medication to anybody who will listen, and the most ignorant always throw up their hands and say “so what do you do with a bleeder?” The answer is simple: Retire it. That was a situation I faced this week with Rapsodie du Desert. She bled after a workout once, but so lightly I had hoped it was just a vessel in her nose and not a bigger problem. But she worked yesterday and it’s clear it’s a big problem. She bled, and badly. She is the first horse I’ve had who has a bleeding problem. A healthy horse that is trained progressively and fit to do the job is not likely to bleed, or at least not likely to bleed enough to impact performance. Rapsodie ran four races for me quite well, with no sign of trouble. She took a second and a third place, and I thought we were going to get her to the winner’s circle. But about a month ago she started her mysterious “nervous pregnancy” and she hasn’t been quite the same since, and now she’s bled. So I called her owner and said it was time to stop. I cannot even imagine medicating her to run as one would in America. This horse has sent a clear message that she should not be racing, and no amount of medication should change that. So we wish Rapsodie well in her retirement – after what I saw coming out of her nose this week, I have absolutely no regrets about sending her on her way.

Just picked up Hard Way from the clinic in Deauville. The CAT scan showed no neurological problem, but did show substantial deterioration in his first vertabra, concentrated on the right side. I’m still waiting for a full reading and consultation by various vets, who are saying this is very rare – so rare that the clinic decided to take x-rays and do ultrasounds and not charge me for them. They were so curious they wanted more tests right away. This eliminates the need to go back to the Cirale clinic in Dozule next week, which is one of the few upsides here. So instead of taking Hard Way out to the farm in Normandy for a week until his next appointment, we brought him home. So over the next 48 hours, his scan and other tests will be pored over by various specialists to decide what happens next. If the deterioration doesn’t extend to the interior of the bone, where it would affect the spinal column, we can infiltrate to treat the inflammation and he can go ahead being a racehorse for awhile. If it IS affecting the spinal column, his days of being ridden are over, racing or otherwise, and he will retire. For the moment, the condition is not life-threatening, but it depends on how the situation evolves over the coming months and – we hope – years. It seems to be an all-or-nothing prognosis: If he’s safe to ride, he’s safe to race.  I’ll post more results as I get them.

Hard Way has to head to Deauville tomorrow for a CAT scan on Thursday in the hopes of finding out whether or not he has a neurological problem. I’m nervous about the whole process, because not only does it involve having to drive him to Deauville (he’s not the best traveler), but he’ll have to be anesthetized for the scan, and there’s always a risk. Not to mention he has to spend the night at the clinic with nothing to eat, so he’ll have no idea what is going on and surely won’t be very happy about it all. But it has to be done. The vet who examined him after his sub-par race in Clairefontaine noted that his left eye was bulging slightly, and that he almost certainly had a cervical problem pretty high up. These signs, along with his episode of passing out while I was riding him, make it too dangerous to continue without knowing what’s up. Best case: the passing out was a one-off (these things can happen), he has a sore neck that can be treated, we do that and go on. Worst case: He has a problem that can’t be solved, and he not only has to stop racing but can’t even be used as a riding horse, which would be a shame. Worst worst case: Well, you know what that would be, and I can’t think anything that bad is going on.

Meanwhile, there are no runners this week. Rapsodie’s race in Vichy was so bad it’s not worth mentioning. She was absolutely not herself and didn’t want to play, which was clear the minute she left the gate. She looks great, is eating great, working well and her legs are cold and tight. The only thing that had changed since her previous race was her strange nervous pregnancy, so I’m assuming we still have hormonal issues to deal with. I’m not sure what can be done about this, so for the moment I’m letting nature take its course.

Meanwhile we’re concentrating on getting the two-year-olds moving and keeping the runners ticking over. Brazil and George are both working well and will surely do much better on the track soon. They will both be entered in a claimer next Thursday. Turfani’s objective is back in Deauville on Aug. 29. Rapsodie will probably wait until the first week of September, because there is a good handicap for her then at St. Cloud and maybe by then she’ll snap back to normal.

Turfani won the second half of the Tierce handicap in Deauville yesterday, salvaging what had been a dismal week. She survived a half-hour stewards’ inquiry, during which I think I lost about three kilos sweating, but we kept the victory. She was clearly the best horse on the day, which is what saved us. Fabien Lefebvre, a jockey I was using for the first time, got a little overzealous in going for the hole in the home stretch, and he cut off another horse. The stewards decided the horse we cut in front of wouldn’t have finished in the money (thankfully), so we kept the win. Secondly, Christophe Soumillon, who was riding the horse that finished second, took exception to the way Lefebvre moved Turfani over just after the start, and he protested. Lefebvre came out of it with a six day suspension, which he took in pretty good spirits since he kept the win.

Turfani’s great race salvaged a week of disappointments. Brazil and George ran flat on Friday, and I thought both should have had a chance. Brazil was traveling well but didn’t finish. It was a quick race, and she has a speed build and pedigree, so we will probably try her over shorter next time out. That said, she finished her mile race in Dieppe well despite not liking the heavy going, so she’s a bit of a mystery for the moment. I think she has the quality, so it’s just a matter of getting her more experience and finding the ideal trip. She is still growing and learning how to carry around her bulky muscles and needs to run. George didn’t finish well either, and Soumillon said the horse was never traveling. It certainly didn’t look like that to me, and I disagreed with pretty much everything Soumillon said in assessing the horse – that he needed more distance and possibly blinkers. He is entered in a seven-furlong handicap on the turf at Clairefontaine next week, and if he runs it won’t be with blinkers but with a different pilot.

Next up for us is Rapsodie in Vichy on Friday.

We’ve got a few interesting days ahead, with Skid Solo running back in Deauville on Sunday, Hard Way on Monday and Timelord on Tuesday. Skid is back in the handicaps, this time shortening back up to 1,300 meters from the 1,500 he ran last time out. He seemed to like the fibersand and ran well, and he’ll still have a turn on the 1,300-meter course, so he should have a chance to finally switch on this year. He is looking better than ever, and as I’ve said before, he certainly has the ability, so we’ll see what he can do. He runs the nightcap on Sunday.

Hard Way will line up at Clairefontaine on the turf on Monday, going 2,400 meters in the second half of the Tierce handicap. I hesitated about running him, because he had a strange episode on Monday in which he basically fell asleep walking and collapsed nose first onto a trail in the forest. I got the worst of it, because I landed directly on my head, visions of Christopher Reeves flashing before my eyes. Luckily, I weigh less than poor Christopher did, and I came out of it with only a stiff neck and maybe a vertabra or two a little closer than they were before. Hard Way got up and stood stock still, not sure what happened himself, looking at me and wondering how it was that I was on the ground and not on him. He seemed fine after, and blood work I took just to make sure nothing was amiss came back fine, so he will go ahead. He will have a final work tomorrow, which could change my mind, but he is a likely runner.

Timelord has his choice of two claimers on Tuesday, and we haven’t decided which way to go yet. He is entered at 1,900 meters and 2,400 meters. He hasn’t yet tried 2,400 meters, but I think he might be better placed there than at 1,900, which will go very quickly on the fibersand. But the 2,400-meter race is limited to jockeys who haven’t won 10 races yet this year, which means we obviously can’t put Christophe Soumillon back up. In any case, Timelord is fit and needs the run, and both races are oversubscribed. So we’ll wait by the computer up to the deadline for declarations and choose the race in which he has the least chance of being eliminated.

After that, Brazil and George have entries on Friday, Aug. 6, and Turfani on Aug. 8. But more on those as the day gets closer.

Rose of Egypte ran a great little race down in Vichy today, finishing 4th of 14 runners. She was claimed by Kevin Borgel, a trainer in Marseilles, who got a good deal, I think. I am sorry to see her go, but the objective was to get her sold for Con Marnane of Bansha House Stables, because he needs to clear the books for new yearlings coming in. Mission accomplished; Rose earned just under 3,000 euros in prize money for her 4th place (1,700 plus the 75 percent premium for French two-year-olds) and was claimed for 10,000. Just to put a little perspective on how great French prize money is: another two-year-old Con sold to Godolphin won a good maiden race at Lingfield this week, and the prize money for the victory there was 1,700 pounds. Rose topped that with a 4th in a small claimer. She will go on to earn much more I’m sure, because she is a big beast and will make a strong three-year-old. Good luck, Rosy!

Just loaded Rose of Egypte for her trip into the great unknown that is Vichy. It seemed like a good entry when I picked it out, but now I’m not so sure. The race tomorrow comes at the end of a week-long meet, which means the track would have been pretty used up under the best of circumstances, but now is a complete mud field after several big thunderstorms there. This could be very bad or maybe very good – I have no idea what this horse can do on heavy going. Or on light going, for that matter, since this will only be her second race. She has the least experience of the 14-runner field, and will probably need more racing to come into form. But I’m hoping she can get up for a place and possibly get claimed, which is the goal of her owners, who are essentially pinhookers who need to clear the books for the next crop of yearlings. We all agree Rose will make a better three-year-old, but we’re doing our best to move her on now. She has a great paper and is a huge lovely filly, so maybe she’ll catch someone’s eye down there.

Who knew that Ireland was only two hours by car from Maisons-Laffitte? Or so it seemed today. When we loaded up Brazil to go to Dieppe, it was 25 degrees and sunny. When we got to the track, we descended into a rainy, misty, cold otherworld that could have been Galway in October. Or maybe July. In any case, the going that was listed as “bon souple,” or good to soft, at 10 a.m. had deteriorated into a sticky mud soup by 5 p.m., when the 7th race went off. Brazil is a heavy horse and still needs further fittening to be at her best, but she has been working very well at home. Nonetheless, you know what happens to fat girls in the mud? They sink. By 50 meters out of the gate, Brazil started to fall back, and she lobbed along in the back through the turn into the stretch. She did make a game effort to finish, though, and ended up 8th of the 15 runners, seven and a half lengths behind the winner but only a neck away from money. The fifth through eighth-placed horses finished practically on the same line. She came back hardly blowing, and the bright side is that she is now qualified for the handicaps and should have a nice low mark. We will probably run her back relatively quickly, in about two weeks on the fibersand at Deauville – which she should find a pleasant surprise after the mud in Dieppe. Tim got a couple of videos – one of us saddling Brazil, and the other of her being mounted in the parade ring.

Next up: Rose of Egypte goes on a road trip to Vichy, where she runs in the first on Saturday.